Those
of you who know me, know that I am a person of strong
opinions/beliefs, but you may wonder how that came to be. I can
look back through my life and identify lots of people/events that
helped me to get to where I am now (both positively and negatively).
However, when it comes down to it, there is one person who has
made me who I am more than any other. Her name was Emma Coley,
my mother.
A
little background on her is in order. She was orphaned at an
early age and passed from relative to relative. Her next really
stable home (well as stable as it could be) was when she married my
father. In that time and being moved around rural areas, it
would have been easy for her to have grown up with the type of
attitude that most associate from that time and environment (more
like my father's). However, through her travails (and as likely
because of them), she held onto an attitude of tolerance and a love
of family. To her, family meant everything. Holidays like
Thanksgiving and Christmas (and to a lesser extent, Easter) were
magical to her and embodied everything she desired and loved about
family.
If
you asked her about family, or were at out house during holidays
gatherings, you would find that her idea of family was not based on a
simple or single precept. To her, family was about blood and
marriage, but also about need or basic connection. I could very
honestly say that the number of people who called her ma or mom
or mawmaw and were
not related to her by marriage or blood vastly outnumbered those of
us related by blood and/or marriage (and ours was/is not a small one,
8 of us children; 20+ grandkids;
40+ great-grandkids). Add
into that, the number of people who were touched by her and the
number grows exponentially. As matter of fact, even in a
neighborhood where our family was looked on rather unfavorably in
general, my mom had people in just about every house that never said
anything unkind about her or would be quick to defend her if anything
unkind was said. I grew up hearing a lot of negative things about me, my siblings and my father, but almost nothing about my mom (of course, there will always be detractors no matter how good a person you are).. lol
For
Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, it would not be unheard of for
there to be 60+ people gathered in our house. There were family
members, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, neighbors, co-workers and
even strangers. All were welcomed and all were family to her.
No one was turned away. On Christmas Eve, we would gather and
pass out presents for our name drawings, something my mom started
because our family was large and growing quickly. I can't count
the number of times that either people we weren't expecting, or those
who decided not to participate in the name draw, would show up and if
there were kids, ma would scramble to make sure that each child
received a present (and the adults as well, if it could be arranged).
I know several times being asked if it was okay if one of my
presents (or is I had gotten more than one present for others) could
be redirected so that no one left empty handed and upset. Quite
often extra gifts would be purchased so that contingencies existed.
One Thanksgiving when I was grown and wasn't living at home anymore, I had a friend on the internet who had moved from Oklahoma to Greensboro and was having a miserable time due to being so far from friends and family, I invited her to have Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's. It took some convincing, but she showed. After she said she was going to show, I told my mom and explained her situation. When the woman got there, everyone made her feel welcomed. My mom especially went out of her way to make the woman feel welcomed. The woman moved back home not long after that, but she made a point to let us know how much we had helped her and how much she appreciated allowing her to share our holiday.
To my
mom, her opinion of a person had nothing to do with race, religion,
sexual preference, etc. She was one of the few people I have ever
known who honestly judged people on their own merits. If she
felt you were a good person, then you were golden. If you
treated her (or those she cared for) badly, then sucked to be you
(well, mostly.. she was not one to completely give up on
anyone, no matter how much they deserved it.. and to her death
there were so many that used that against her). She was
forgiving to a fault and a fierce defender of those she cared for.
She valued those who were honest with her. She loved
'discussions' about pretty much everything. She did not suffer
fools well, though and she was very outspoken in regards to
intolerance, hatefulness and stupidity (or willful ignorance, as it were). She valued education and knowledge and had little use
for those who didn't.
My
mom was very religious and wanted us to grow up exposed to religion.
We watched Sunday morning church programs and she encouraged us
to attend a church of our choosing as we grew older. She wanted
us to have a spiritual foundation and was happy as long as we found
our own path. She always told us to think for ourselves, ask
questions and decide for ourselves what was right for us. Very
little incensed her more than when she would hear about those like
the Westboro Baptist
people or the preacher from Maiden who preached hate and/or perverted
the teaching of Jesus.
So......... how did all this bring me to where I am? well, let me start by
saying this, It kind of amuses me that my 'liberal mindset' is
so influenced on a woman born in the 1930's in rural North Carolina,
but in almost all of my beliefs/opinions, her presence shines clearly.
Politics:
I have always been a registered Independent voter. I
don't believe that a political designation gives a person special
insight. My mom and i would often have in-depth conversations
(especially during election cycles) about candidates and issues. I
helped keep her up-to-date and she helped me focus as well as allowed
me to see it all from a different perspective. I have voted
for repubs, dems,
independent, and yes, even a few third party candidates. I view
each person for what they offer versus whatever label they have
affixed to them. I support those who focus on things that I
value, but I also vote for who I think is the better option at the
time.
Religion:
I will start by stating that, yes, I am a Christian. I
will also say that I am a rationalist.. oh, and I see no real
issue with those halves coexisting. I have read the bible (a
few times actually). My relationship with God, is exactly
that... Mine (each person carries their temple with them). I
can understand the appeal of organized religion, but I see it as
being in more of a social manner than a spiritual one (of course
having been asked not to return to two different churches in my teens
may have something to do with that; once for taking exception to a
sermon saying that if you believed in evolution you were doomed to
hell and science and religion were mutually exclusive, and the second
time when for being very vocal in my displeasure when a preacher
pointed out two girls and used his sermon to embarrass and degrade
them..for wearing colourful sundresses, which made them harlots or
worse in the eyes of him and his congregation). Anyway, I have
been called a blender christian and I think that is the best
description of my belief system. I also believe in a God of
Love...I believe that we are all connected. I am a firm believer in
judge not, lest ye be judged. I doubt that a higher being would
have a set form or would limit him/herself to human concepts that
won't even exist until humanity develops enough to even come up with
them. To think that a unit of time (a day) means the same to us
as it would to a higher being is presumptuous and, to be honest,
ludicrous.
Essentially,
all religions have the same basic concepts. Those concepts are
basic ones that, if abided by,
are geared towards the continuation of humanity (love one another,
though shall not kill, showing compassion/charity, etc). When I hear
people preaching or espousing hate or ideas/behaviours that would
tend to be detrimental to humanity in general, I have no problem
calling bullshit, whether it comes from an institution, a group or a person. I
also have a major issue with people who pick and choose from their
religion to hurt, demean or discriminate against others. I do
my best to follow in my mom's footsteps in regards to treating others
as they earn instead of as labels.. Not all Christians are
good. Not all Muslims are
bad. I care less about what you, than who you are.
Social
Issues: One of the things my mom said most my entire life is
that no matter how bad things are for you, there are those who have
it worse. Things were rough in my family, but my mom always
took extra effort to help out anyone that she could. There were
times when money was tight and food was kid of scarce around our
house that she would scrape up money to help someone get formula,
food or diapers for a baby in need or we would get together food to
help out a person or family who needed it. There were lots of
times when she would forego things
that she needed/wanted to help out others (even as were encouraged
her to do more for herself, to look out for herself more). It
would take a while to list the people who had a bed or a place on the
couch due to not having anywhere else to go or because what they had
to go back to was hellish. My mom made me realize that my world
was so much bigger than just me and to realize my connection to those
around me). I admit, I fall short of her example in some ways,
but I do what I can to try to make a difference. Fairness and
compassion are two attributes that I definitely got from ma. I
believe there should be an equality of opportunity (not of
results).... I believe we, as a society are only as good or as
strong as our weakest members. I believe that, even if this
WERE a christian country, we are nowhere near acting like it. If
you discriminate against a portion of population, it hurts the whole.
I think the inequality disgraces our country, those who fought
to allow us to be an independent country, and our forefathers...
I am
not saying I am always right or that there aren't other ways to think
or to come to determinations... I am saying that while specifics of
my thoughts/opinions my differ from my mother's, the foundation comes
from her. She used to joke that she did too good a job in
encouraging me to think for myself and follow my own path, but I
doubt I could have gotten this far as well as I have without everything
she imparted to me....
I am
liberal (comparatively)... I am compassionate... I am caring.. I
am stubborn...I am intense... I am opinionated... I will
go through hell for those I care for... I am giving.... I
love knowledge.... I love education/learning... I love......
and
amid all of that..I am proud to be who I am, my mother's son.
(while
the timing of the blog was not intentional, I love and miss you ma.
Happy Easter)
